How to Help Your Child Move to High School
Moving to high school means big changes for any kid. They leave behind the comfort of what they know to venture to a generally bigger school where nothing may be familiar. The personal touches of the younger years may be replaced with an expectation of greater independence and self-management. Add this expectation to a time in their lives when biological changes are occurring and when they are navigating shifting social and emotional dynamics and the transition becomes challenging.
There are some steps that you can take to support your burgeoning teen to work through their concerns and adjust to the changes they will inevitably face.
Fears about going to high school
New environment and routines
In elementary or primary school your child would have established a comfortable routine with the majority of classes taking place in the same room and with the same teacher. High school requires your child to develop self-management skills as it becomes their responsibility to find their way to the correct classroom, be on time and make sure they have the right books. They may need to learn how to read a school map and follow a schedule moving to different classrooms for different subjects and be able to work with many different teachers across their day. They may also need to manage a locker for the first time and ensure they don’t forget their locker code.
There is a real fear that they will get lost and not know how to find their way. What if they can’t read their timetable and don’t know which class is next? What if they don’t take the right books to class or they arrive late to class? What if they have to ask a stranger for help?
2. Academic demands and coping with responsibilities
Though teachers will be a great support to your child, the expectation is that your child will take responsibility for managing their own academic workload. They will need to plan and manage their time to complete assignments, essays or prepare for tests. They will be expected to do more at home and to turn in work on time. This can be quite overwhelming and it can take a while for them to learn how to apply their time in a consistent manner to meet a deadline.
Inevitably, the workload will increase as will the difficulty. Your child may worry that they won’t understand what the teacher says, and they may be too intimidated to ask questions in class. They may be worried that they won’t be able to cope with the amount of homework (too much, too hard). This can leave them feeling insecure about their ability to handle this new challenge.
3. Friendships and social dynamics
A larger or new community means new faces and changing social situations. There is a fear that old friends may drift away or that new friends may not be easily made.
For many kids, the worry that they will be rejected and not fit in is real. What if they will be teased or bullied? What if they do or say something that makes them look stupid or silly in front others? What if they don’t make friends? These fears can make them feel nervous or generate feelings of anxiety.
4. Travel
The high school may be in a different location to their previous school. This means learning a new travel routine. They will have to navigate getting to and from school on a new bus or train route, or walk a different way. They may be worried about missing public transport and arriving to school late. They may also fear traveling on their own if they are without travel buddies.
How may they react?
Fear and anxiety can manifest differently for each person but there are certain things you can look out for:
that feeling of butterflies in the stomach
nausea
excessive sweating
getting the shakes
becoming agitated
just not themselves, perhaps intolerant, snappy or withdrawn
How to prepare for high school
Prepare a home study area
Having a comfortable but productive home study area provides your child with a suitable space for doing their homework. There is the practical element of a dedicated homework area but also the psychological element of switching into homework mode because this is where school business takes place.
This study area will most likely be somewhere they spend a lot of time over the years, so it needs to be an area clearly defined for study. Involve your child in designing the space so that they feel comfortable and have a sense of ownership over the area. This can be as simple as picking up a second hand desk but adding a lick of paint to personalise it.
Not everyone will have a room that can be dedicated just to study. It may be a corner of the bedroom, or a corner of a general living space and it will suit your family needs and house configuration. But the key elements will include room for a computer and workbooks, good lighting, and comfortable seating. If they are sharing a general living space or more than one person will require the area for study, you may need to consider a timetable and an element of compromise.
2. Help them get organised
Some people are born organisers, others learn how to get organised, and for some being organised is just not that easy. One thing you can do to help your child deal with overwhelm is to facilitate organisation.
A simple trick is to use subject color coding. Choosing a particular color for each subject is game changer. Cover books in the allocated subject color (e.g. blue for English) or if this is not encouraged by the school, a simple easily removed color strip down the binding of the book is a good alternative. In their diary, highlight each subject in the chosen color. Use that color for any associated binders, stationary, cardboard boxes or storage options. If they use a device rather than a hardcopy book, there will be ways to organise files for ease of reference and colored electronic files are still possible.
By color coding your child can find things quickly and subject materials do not become scattered or lost.
3. Practice getting to and from school
Help them learn their new travel arrangements. Remove any worries about reading bus or train timetables and address any concerns about what happens if they miss their transport, miss their stop or their bus or train is late or cancelled. Give them a clear set of instructions on who to contact and what to do next.
A practice run is a useful way to remove any apprehension. Verbal descriptions of locations or transit may not help as everything may be quite new. For example, giving them an opportunity to see and count how many stops before theirs can allay worry about missing their stop.
Give your child an indication of when you expect them home. Give them a little leeway just in case of delays but have a protocol for what will happen if they don’t arrive home by a certain time.
For those who are walking, it is still helpful to do a practice run. If your kid will be part of a carpool, run through pickup and drop-off points and give clear instructions on what they should do if plans are interrupted.
4. Have a discussion and address concerns
Having a discussion around possible scenarios or areas of concern can help your child prepare for dealing with issues. Consider running through some examples framed around, ‘If this happens what could you do?’
If you get to school but you’ve left your math book at home what could you do?
If you are late to class and your teacher has already begun the lesson what could you do?
If you miss your bus and arrive at school after the bell what could you do?
If you don’t understand what the teacher is saying what could you do?
If you arrive at school but you’ve left your English essay at home what could you do?
If you’ve attempted your homework but you really don’t understand what could you do?
Run through as many scenarios as you can think of. It can help having strategies to deal with real situations before they happen. Involve your child in thinking about solutions to increase their sense of empowerment and their knowledge that they can handle sometimes uncomfortable outcomes.
5. Sleep routine
Holidays can introduce unusual sleep patterns but getting up early for that first day of school should not be a shock to their system. If you can do one thing to prepare your child for their first day of high school, then get them into a good sleep routine. Make sure they get sufficient sleep and are able to wake up on time. Start this routine at least one week before the start of the school year.
6. Before and after school routines
Talk to your child about what will be expected of them once school begins. This includes when they will be expected to do homework, how they will fit in their chores, how they will pack and unpack for their school equipment for the next day or when they will be expected to go to bed.
7. Talk about the positives
While the transition to high school can be challenging there are also positives aspects to focus on. Your child may be really excited about the prospect of meeting new people and making new friends. They may be keen to try new sports or extra curricula activities or learn new subjects. They may thrill at the thought of greater independence and the idea that they are now considered a high school student. Conversation around the positives should be encouraged. It’s not always about the stressors!
The school year
Keep communicating
Your child will experience ups and downs throughout their first year of high school. Encourage them to talk about their day and acknowledge their feelings as they learn to navigate their changing world. It’s important that they feel they can talk to you if they are not coping. Make time to chat, even if it’s over an after school snack or in the car on the way to sport. Try not to judge, rather engage in active listening.
Talk to them about how they cope when they experience stress or nerves and feel lousy. Walk through what happens in their bodies and how they might be able to try different and creative ways of managing their stress. Relaxation techniques, exercising, dancing, listening to music or journalling are just some of the ways they can help alleviate discomfort. Stress is not something to be removed, it’s a part of life, but how it is managed is key.
2. Consider your expectations
We all want our kid to do well. We want them to be in a position to maximise opportunities, have a good job and lead an independent life. But high school is challenging. It doesn’t hurt to think about what you are expecting from your child and are those expectations reasonable and clear. Have you put in place an environment and the support mechanisms that will allow them to meet those expectations?
3. Reach out for additional support
Your child will need to learn new skill sets to cope with high school. It may be unfamiliar territory for you too. Knowing how to support their learning can be overwhelming for you as the parent or carer. Reach out to their teachers or access school resources if you need support in navigating their new learning environment. Don’t be afraid to ask!
The final word
Your burgeoning teen is about to embark on a new adventure. There is much to learn and navigate but with preparation you can help your child adjust to this new challenge. Organise yourself to stay one step ahead. Give them an opportunity to address concerns and put strategies in place. Give them time to find their feet and be there when they need you. Give praise and encouragement and foster a positive mindset.